My parents both young, free, and with all their love and time to give could have it said about them they fell in love at first sight. My mom would often tell of how attractive he was and how sweet and amazing he was. It was no surprise they when they both got married to either my fathers parents or my mothers parents when they both decided to get married at a very young age, both were still in High School. But so much like many other people this once "head over heals in love for you" feeling faded away, the marriage went sour, and ended in a nasty divorce. What happened? Where did it go wrong? Were they really in love with each other? They were happy weren't they?
Yes they were in love, but what is described in science and among psychologists and sociologists as passionate love was what my parents experienced. Lets define this "love high" my parents fell culprit to. Passionate feelings are nothing more than the sexual desires, though not all bad that people get. When having this feelings people often describe them as short intense desires. It could be sparked simply by clothing that is worn, a certain hairstyle, dance moves, a wink of an eye, a word of comfort, or countless other things. They are but fleeting. They are the part in a relationship that are strictly physical, and will never be enduring in a sense that they will always be there. True there may be those feelings at any given time in a relationship, but they are only the physical desires one has for another person.
Love in the truest sense comes from what is called Companionate love. The love that can be shared even in a friendship. This love is the desire of one person to be there for and with another person. It is the love that puts an-others' needs above oneself. Couples who experience this kind of love, have the tendency to be less jealous, have better compromises, and have longer lasting relationships. Think about it, if all you can see is the beauty of a person, how will that relationship last when they start to wrinkle and gray with old age. To see a person as who they really are and still accept them leads to a much happier life.
Below is a self test that can help you define which love you are experiencing.
Think of the person you love or are closest to caring for in that way and rate your feelings on a scale of 1-9 a 1 being not at all true a 5 being moderately true and a 9 being definitely true.
1. I would feel despair if ____________ left me.
2. Sometimes I feel I can't control my thoughts; they are obsessively on ___________.
3. I feel happy when I am doing something to make ____________ happy.
4. I would rather be with __________ than anyone else.
5. I would get jealous if I thought ___________ were falling in love with someone else.
6. I yearn to know all about _________.
7. I want ____________ physically, emotionally, mentally.
8. I have an endless appetite for affection from ___________.
9. For me, __________ is the perfect romantic partner.
10. I sense my body responding when _________ touches me.
11. _________ always seems to be on my mind.
12. I want _______ to know me-my thoughts, my fears, and my hopes.
13. I eagerly look for signs indicating __________'s desires for me.
14. I posses a powerful attraction for ____________.
15. I get extremely depressed when things don't go right in my relationship with ___________.
The higher score you get on this test the more passionate love you have for that person. If you would like a comparison now take the test thinking of a friend.
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