My parents both young, free, and with all their love and time to give could have it said about them they fell in love at first sight. My mom would often tell of how attractive he was and how sweet and amazing he was. It was no surprise they when they both got married to either my fathers parents or my mothers parents when they both decided to get married at a very young age, both were still in High School. But so much like many other people this once "head over heals in love for you" feeling faded away, the marriage went sour, and ended in a nasty divorce. What happened? Where did it go wrong? Were they really in love with each other? They were happy weren't they?
Yes they were in love, but what is described in science and among psychologists and sociologists as passionate love was what my parents experienced. Lets define this "love high" my parents fell culprit to. Passionate feelings are nothing more than the sexual desires, though not all bad that people get. When having this feelings people often describe them as short intense desires. It could be sparked simply by clothing that is worn, a certain hairstyle, dance moves, a wink of an eye, a word of comfort, or countless other things. They are but fleeting. They are the part in a relationship that are strictly physical, and will never be enduring in a sense that they will always be there. True there may be those feelings at any given time in a relationship, but they are only the physical desires one has for another person.
Love in the truest sense comes from what is called Companionate love. The love that can be shared even in a friendship. This love is the desire of one person to be there for and with another person. It is the love that puts an-others' needs above oneself. Couples who experience this kind of love, have the tendency to be less jealous, have better compromises, and have longer lasting relationships. Think about it, if all you can see is the beauty of a person, how will that relationship last when they start to wrinkle and gray with old age. To see a person as who they really are and still accept them leads to a much happier life.
Below is a self test that can help you define which love you are experiencing.
Think of the person you love or are closest to caring for in that way and rate your feelings on a scale of 1-9 a 1 being not at all true a 5 being moderately true and a 9 being definitely true.
1. I would feel despair if ____________ left me.
2. Sometimes I feel I can't control my thoughts; they are obsessively on ___________.
3. I feel happy when I am doing something to make ____________ happy.
4. I would rather be with __________ than anyone else.
5. I would get jealous if I thought ___________ were falling in love with someone else.
6. I yearn to know all about _________.
7. I want ____________ physically, emotionally, mentally.
8. I have an endless appetite for affection from ___________.
9. For me, __________ is the perfect romantic partner.
10. I sense my body responding when _________ touches me.
11. _________ always seems to be on my mind.
12. I want _______ to know me-my thoughts, my fears, and my hopes.
13. I eagerly look for signs indicating __________'s desires for me.
14. I posses a powerful attraction for ____________.
15. I get extremely depressed when things don't go right in my relationship with ___________.
The higher score you get on this test the more passionate love you have for that person. If you would like a comparison now take the test thinking of a friend.
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Born Homosexual?
Your words can be causing many people to turn to homosexuality as the solution and answer to their problems. Dr Daryl J Bem of Cornell University explains this theory wonderfully in an address given to the American Psychological Association (1997) called Exotic Becomes Erotic. He explains that the combination of Biology, childhood temperaments, and personality triats,combined with the treatment they get from others can lead to children feeling isolated and "different" from their peers and others.
Think about it.
It is beautifully illustrated in a famous childhood book called The Ugly Duckling; the story tells of a young swan who is different from his peers was harassed, belittled, and insulted simply because he wasn't the same as the other ducklings. He was too big, gray and awkward to be a good duckling the story portrays. Insulted and completely left alone the duckling finds himself moping around the edge of a pond. That's when he see's them, beautiful and elegant swans take their landing. Then in this beautifully illustrated tale the "ugly duckling" finds himself to be a swan as well.
Many children, young adults, and adults, find themselves in the ugly ducklings shoes today. A boy who can't do 5 pushups is called a sissy, so is the teenager who is very artistic and observant,but just isnt good at sports. The girl down the street who is who is tougher than most guys her age must have something wrong with her and is to manly to be a woman. The teenager that develops later or less in her physical appearance is belittled and badgered in her high school. We are a main cause for the desperate men and women who seek just to be accepted. Many of those who are homosexual perceive themselves as gay because we tell them they are different. I would bet that if you went and asked one of these people how they were treated in their early years they would tell you they were thought of as different whether it be because of their physical appearance and strentgh, or perhaps their abilities to understand and show emotions, and even sometimes different skills they have.
Just because someone is different from the norm does not mean there is something wrong with them. Furthermore it DOES NOT mean they are gay/lesbian. Everyone in this world is different. There is no right and wrong in ones capabilities. Now I am not saying right and wrong does not exist, they certainly do, but just because a man cries does not make him a woman, and because a woman can bench press more than a man does not make her a man. We are born the way we are because it's important. Life would cease to exist if we ignore this.
Look to yourself to be the change in the trend of society to label what's different as a reject and an outcast, but also beware of the trap that everything is beautiful and equal. Simply help people to be the best they can be, and realize what a swan they really are.
Dr Daryl J Bem address on this subject: http://dbem.org/Biological%20Correlates.pdf
Think about it.
It is beautifully illustrated in a famous childhood book called The Ugly Duckling; the story tells of a young swan who is different from his peers was harassed, belittled, and insulted simply because he wasn't the same as the other ducklings. He was too big, gray and awkward to be a good duckling the story portrays. Insulted and completely left alone the duckling finds himself moping around the edge of a pond. That's when he see's them, beautiful and elegant swans take their landing. Then in this beautifully illustrated tale the "ugly duckling" finds himself to be a swan as well.
Many children, young adults, and adults, find themselves in the ugly ducklings shoes today. A boy who can't do 5 pushups is called a sissy, so is the teenager who is very artistic and observant,but just isnt good at sports. The girl down the street who is who is tougher than most guys her age must have something wrong with her and is to manly to be a woman. The teenager that develops later or less in her physical appearance is belittled and badgered in her high school. We are a main cause for the desperate men and women who seek just to be accepted. Many of those who are homosexual perceive themselves as gay because we tell them they are different. I would bet that if you went and asked one of these people how they were treated in their early years they would tell you they were thought of as different whether it be because of their physical appearance and strentgh, or perhaps their abilities to understand and show emotions, and even sometimes different skills they have.
Just because someone is different from the norm does not mean there is something wrong with them. Furthermore it DOES NOT mean they are gay/lesbian. Everyone in this world is different. There is no right and wrong in ones capabilities. Now I am not saying right and wrong does not exist, they certainly do, but just because a man cries does not make him a woman, and because a woman can bench press more than a man does not make her a man. We are born the way we are because it's important. Life would cease to exist if we ignore this.
Look to yourself to be the change in the trend of society to label what's different as a reject and an outcast, but also beware of the trap that everything is beautiful and equal. Simply help people to be the best they can be, and realize what a swan they really are.
Dr Daryl J Bem address on this subject: http://dbem.org/Biological%20Correlates.pdf
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Positivity in the Family
Its funny that most of the times those we surround ourselves by most often receive the fewest words of praise from us. Maybe it is because we have become accustomed to their services and the daily routine of all that they do for us, so it drops to the side as a mundane thing, and becomes the new normal.
In one of my classes we saw a re-enactment of a family with some difficulty going on in the family. Nothing so serious as to threaten the families relationship, but just enough to be a stress-er. At first each individual went about treating the family as an individual and worrying about all that they did themselves. This only caused more stress for each individual where each thought he or she was handling the problem by themselves. The teacher then constructively began to show each member of the family that they were not alone and that the others each felt just as worried by simply having each person explain their feelings. At the end of the demonstration each person was able to recognize the support and love they had from all the other family members and recognize the things they were doing in their own way to help.
I think happier homes can be created by simply listening to other peoples perspectives, and learning to recognize the ways they are trying to help. Also by expressing feelings in a loving and positive way while expressing sympathy helps to unite families and get things done much more effectively than each individual by themselves. In a family every member is needed for the unique way that they do things.
In one of my classes we saw a re-enactment of a family with some difficulty going on in the family. Nothing so serious as to threaten the families relationship, but just enough to be a stress-er. At first each individual went about treating the family as an individual and worrying about all that they did themselves. This only caused more stress for each individual where each thought he or she was handling the problem by themselves. The teacher then constructively began to show each member of the family that they were not alone and that the others each felt just as worried by simply having each person explain their feelings. At the end of the demonstration each person was able to recognize the support and love they had from all the other family members and recognize the things they were doing in their own way to help.
I think happier homes can be created by simply listening to other peoples perspectives, and learning to recognize the ways they are trying to help. Also by expressing feelings in a loving and positive way while expressing sympathy helps to unite families and get things done much more effectively than each individual by themselves. In a family every member is needed for the unique way that they do things.
Friday, September 26, 2014
Today's world has become increasingly more competitive, and demanding, economically. We live in a world full of growing expectations in the work force. Economic struggles are forcing fewer people are required to do more things, become more resourceful at what they do to increase "efficiency". Taxes for government programs such as Social Security are on the rise with the Baby Boomers heading for retirement is putting a burden on people in the U.S. All this causing uneasiness and doubt for couples in all parts of the country to make that decision to have children ever more difficult. I'm sure we have all heard it, "I'm too young to have children, or get married. I have my whole career to look forward to." or "We just can't afford to have children, we will wait until later."
Research has shown that this is the case for most people accross the U.S in fact out of 1000 women between the ages of 15-44 only 63.2 babies were born in 2011, Reading all of this we may begin to think, What could this mean for us? Why does it even matter? Isn't it just a personal thing whether I decide to have children or not?
Having come from a family where my parents were split up I know about going through financial difficulties, it's hard. It takes a lot of work, every parent knows that. But I believe that families are always going to be the most important no matter how hard it is. Children can be the greatest source of joy found here in our world. A teacher of mine said it well, when he stated "I've never heard of anyone who regretted having their children when they looked back at it." Below are some studies and news reports links on the subject as well as a video on the joy and happiness a family can bring.
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/dropping-birth-rates-threaten-global-economic-growth/
http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages/topics/faith?v=2255347503001
Saturday, September 20, 2014
What is it worth to us?
A wise man once counseled, "In family relationships love is really spelled t-i-m-e." ("Of Things That Matter Most," Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf") How long has it been since we have thought about what a family is, and what it means to have or be part of a family? Families are one of the best resources we have here on earth to help us through well... Everything. Now it's just time to take time for what matters most.
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